Oh boy, something (somewhat) controversial yet completely trivial.
So, I watched the new auction scene that has been inserted into Walt Disney World’s The Pirates of the Caribbean ride. This new scene has been the subject of a lot of attention recently because the original scene that it replaced was arguably the most iconic and memorable section of the ride. It was funny, had memorable characters, and a bunch of infinitely quotable lines of dialogue. It just had one small, teeny, tiny, itsy, bitsy problem.
It depicted a sex slave/wench auction… at a family friendly Disney park… in 2018. That’s… really not okay. At all. At. All.
If you need a refresher, or have never been on the ride, here is the original scene:
And here is the new scene:
This scene change is also coming to the Disneyland version of the ride late this month (April 2018).
Now, I can see what the Disney Imagineer’s tried to do here. They made the Redhead more than just an object to be bought, which is fantastic, and I applaud them for giving her some agency and driving the scene with her words rather than with her sex appeal.
But honestly, the rest of the scene is not very good. Yes, it’s better than an auction of crying Audio-Animatronic women waiting to be sold to drunken pirates, but the overall writing/dialogue for the new scene is in itself is just… well… dull. It’s not clever. It’s not funny. It’s not quotable. I love a good pun as much as anyone, but “Quit your cluckin'”? Really?
Keep in mind this is coming from someone who agrees that the scene did need to be changed & updated with the times. But if you are going to replace such an iconic/oft-quoted moment in the ride, however problematic it may be, the replacement also has to be quotable and memorable. There has to be some extra effort put in to meet expectations. This just doesn’t do that. I don’t think anyone experiencing the ride for the first time will give this new scene a second thought as they exit toward the gift shop, and that really feels like a missed opportunity.
What do you think? Are you happy with the new scene and the dialogue? Leave a comment and let me know!
– DAC
Words by the Pound 